It Doesn’t All Change

From the get go kids are taught to aim high and to dream big, and I think as parents we have an obligation to encourage that, while also reeling in their expectations a bit.  I don’t mind it if my 11-year wants to play professional baseball when he grows up.  In fact I will encourage that goal, and will do what I can to help him achieve it.  Yet at the end of the day I know my son won’t be knocking balls out of Wrigley Field or Yankee Stadium for a living, so I will continue to make sure that he tries other things and has other interests. 

My motto is “aim high but have realistic expectations.”

The car you drive is a perfect example of this motto.  Growing up all you want is a sports car.  You pour over the pages of Car & Driver magazine memorizing the 0-60 speeds of Ferraris and Porsches and Lamborghinis.  It’s not a question of whether you’re going to get one of these cars; it’s simply a question of what color you’re going to get.  But at some point your plans for that foreign-made sports car are ditched for a more realistic car like a four-door Honda Accord.  The Honda is a reliable car that gets good fuel economy and can get you from point A to point B with no hassles.  Hell you’re living the dream if you can get heated front seats and satellite radio.  You don’t need a twin turbo V-12; you need trunk space for a Costco run.

Your house is also another great example.  When you’re younger you assume you’ll have a big house complete with a backyard pool, a three-car garage, and cable TV in your bathroom.  But years later you’re absolutely thrilled with your three-bedroom two and one half bathroom house.  The backyard pool is a slip ‘n slide.  Your three-car garage is a one-car garage that holds everything BUT your car.  And your cable TV in your bathroom is your iPod and some portable speakers, which you sometimes turn on when you shower.  But this is fine because soon after you buy the house, you quickly realize just how hard and expensive it is to maintain it.  Another 1,500 square feet is the farthest thing from your mind.

Yet another example is doing a better job raising your kids than your parents did raising you.  When you were growing up you promised that when you had kids you would raise them “the right way.”  You swore that the mistakes your parents made raising you would not be duplicated, because in high school you were sure they did everything wrong.  And yet years later you realize that for the most part your parents did a half-way decent job of raising you, and even the mistakes they did make weren’t entirely their fault.  You were a difficult kid and frankly raising kids is just freaking hard.  There’s no instruction booklet on how to raise them.  No one has that sure-fire, can’t miss method. 

The list of examples goes on.  And I don’t know if you can ultimately chalk it up to lost innocence or adulthood.  Maybe both.  But at some point your expectations drop, and you go from aiming for the moon to settling for reality.  Like I said . . . “aim high but have realistic expectations.”

In fact thinking about it the only thing that doesn’t fit this motto is date night.  At least for guys, date night is AND ALWAYS WILL BE about getting some action at the end of it.  That’s why dudes go out on date night.  We aim high, but age has NOT lowered or changed our expectations.  When I was in my late teens and early 20’s date night was about going out and getting some action afterwards.  And almost 20 years later date night is about going out and getting some action afterwards. 

I can’t explain why our expectations regarding date night have not changed over the years.  All I know is that date night is a smashing success if it ends with sex, and it’s a freaking debacle if it ends with nothing more than a “Thanks, that was a nice night, honey” and a goodnight kiss. 

Sure the actual date night itself has changed since I was younger in that the old dinner at Chili’s followed by a movie has been replaced by cocktails at a friend’s followed by a nice dinner at a fun, yet quiet restaurant.  What I used to be able to do for $40 is now often times $140 (excluding babysitting).  But when all is said and done if the evening doesn’t end with some sex it’s a disaster, and expectations for date night NEVER waver. 

So sure my Ferrari is now my Honda.  My 5,500 square foot mansion is now my 2,200 square foot house with a one-car garage.  And my kids are as out of control as I was when I was there age.  Those youthful expectations have been shattered, and I’m okay with it.  But by God if my date night doesn’t end with sex, I will complain for a week.  That youthful expectation never goes away.