To Grieve Or Not To Grieve

I think there probably should be some sort of a “grieving scale” that stipulates just how long someone can grieve based on what that person is grieving over.  For instance, if someone loses a loved one, that person can grieve for X amount of days.  And if someone loses a pet, that person can grieve for X amount of days.  And if someone breaks up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, again that person can grieve for X amount of days.  I know everyone grieves in their own way, and that’s perfectly fine, but I think the length at which one can grieve needs to be better regulated. 

I think if your dog dies you should not be grieving six months later.  A dead dog is good for two weeks of grieving.  On the other hand you’re allowed to grieve a dead goldfish for as long as it takes for him to be flushed down the toilet.  A dead ferret . . . you’re not allowed to grieve at all.  It’s a ferret.  You shouldn’t have owned the thing in the first place.  You’re a moron.  You can grieve the fact that you’re stupid.  Buy a dog next time.  You’re lucky the ferret didn’t gnaw off one of your fingers.  Or maybe he did?  I would say that a lost appendage is worth a month of grieving.  Good luck tying your shoes.  And as for the end of some romantic relationship, well that’s worth at least two months unless the bitch slept with your best friend in which case you shouldn’t lose a wink of sleep over it.  Go bang her best friend.  And if she’s not available just go out and bang someone else.  Trust me, you’ll feel better.  No need to grieve.

But you see where I’m going with this?  Basically I’m trying to help people avoid saying the wrong thing to someone while that person is grieving.  If you knew that someone had recently lost a loved one, you would be careful not to say anything that may upset that person until his/her allotted grieving period had ended.  My plan is all about helping others keep from sticking their own foot in their mouth.  Avoid kicking others while they’re down. 

And this plan came to me just recently as I think everyone around me has decided that my allotted grieving time over losing my job has officially ended.  It seems to me that my friends and family members have decided that it’s been long enough, and it’s time to take off the kid-gloves when dealing with me.

The first blow came from my next door neighbor when she came over the other day dressed in what I thought was a very casual outfit for school (she is a teacher).  I simply asked her whether she was going to school, and she fired back “Yeah, five days a week Clay, it’s called a job, I have one.”  Alrighty then.

The next shot came from a good pal who I had not seen recently.  I ran into him at my son’s soccer game this past weekend.  I went up to him and tried to give him a hard time about being a “no show” all summer, and he responded with “Well I’ve been busy at work; what exactly have you been doing?”  Wow.

And the FINAL shot came from my own 11-year old son who was quite slow to wake up this morning for school.  When he finally came downstairs for breakfast I asked him why he was so tired considering that he had gotten to bed plenty early the night before, and he said “Unlike you dad I have a lot going on.”  Holy Shit!!!  The hammer has been dropped.

Long story short this grieving scale that I’m proposing would need to be carefully put together.  No doubt you’d want to look at all sorts of incidents worth grieving over, and figure out how long one should grieve.  The only thing I’m willing to go on the record with is this . . . if you’re a parent and you lose a child you’re allowed to grieve for the rest of your life.  No question about it.  And apparently if you lose your job, and you live in my house, with my family, and my neighbors, and my friends, you’re allowed to grieve for five months.  After that prepared to be shit on.