We Should Have Had Another Baby

I don’t like to fight with my wife, and in fact, like most men I know, I will go to great lengths to avoid a fight (which typically means I’ll apologize for stuff that I didn’t really do just to avoid the verbal confrontation).  However, I do admit that I enjoy saying things that get a rise out of her.  If she’s not feeling well and lying on the couch, I’ll say something like, “So I assume this means you’re not making me breakfast?”  Or if she’s running late in the morning I’ll say, “So morning sex is out?”  Or if she’s in the kitchen making dinner I’ll say, “I think it’s safe to assume that I’ll be calling Domino’s if that doesn’t taste better than it looks.” 

Yeah, I “push the envelope” with a few of my comments, and it’s worth noting that my neighbor has told me that she considers my wife a “saint” for being married to me, but I’m really not trying to start a fight with my comments.  It’s just my way of poking fun.  A roll of the eyes, a sigh under her breath, a quick retort of “whatever,” is all I’m looking for.  And frankly the easiest way to illicit that kind of reaction from my wife is to remind her that “we should have had another baby.”  Whether we’re with someone with a baby, see a baby on TV or whether she’s looking through some catalog with baby clothes, nothing gets her all worked up more than my “we should have had another baby” comment.  It’s pretty much a sure thing.  Even though I’ve NEVER given ANY thought to having a third child, I do like to remind my wife that “we should have had another baby.”

But for the first time ever, I actually started to wonder whether my wife and I should have had a third child, after my 12-year-old son essentially spent the entire weekend with friends.  And it wasn’t just the fact that he was spending a lot of time with friends, as he’s always enjoyed his pals, but rather it was how he was acting.

Like most 12-year-old boys, my son is a goofball.  He says and does some really silly things (in fact “silly” is an understatement), but quite honestly I’ve always enjoyed that.  It’s a reminder that he is, after all, still a goofy kid.  He’s still “my little man.” And of course, I can identify with 12-year-old humor.

But last weekend he not only spent a lot of time out of the house, when I did see him he seemed different.  And I can’t exactly pinpoint it.  I think it was a combination of him not being around for much of the weekend, coupled with the fact that he seemed to be trying to act less silly.  Now I know he’s starting to get into the girls, and I know there is one particular 12-year-old girl he likes (and spent a lot of time with her over the weekend), and no doubt he’s trying to “be cool” for her.  But literally it’s like he went to bed one kid, and woke up another kid. 

Now I’ve been somewhat prepared for this.  I’m not totally unrealistic here.  I knew that at some point my son was going to choose to spend less time with me, and I knew that it was just a matter of time before my son considered me to be the “boring and embarrassing guy.”  And while I would like to remind him that I wasn’t always this boring, but got this way from paying his bills, cleaning his clothes and listening to him talk about how “cool” he thinks he is, I’m still not sure I’m ready for all this to happen just yet.

I guess I was targeting high school as the time when all of this change would occur.  Unfortunately, I’m not sure my son is on the same page.

I was out to dinner with my dad the other night and I was talking to him about this very subject, and I said, “Boy dad, I think we’re losing Chase.”  He thought about my comment for a couple seconds and then said, “Clay, I never thought your mother and I were losing you and your sister as the two of you got older.  I just recognized that things were changing, and I made sure to enjoy that part of your life with the two of you.”

I thought about it for a second and realized that maybe my dad is right.  Change is inevitable, so why fight it?  Or why get all depressed over it?  Maybe this is one of those things where you sort of “go with the flow” and enjoy it?  There’s going to be lots of great new stuff my son Chase starts to experience over these next few years and instead of bemoaning the fact that he’s no longer my “little man,” maybe I should start enjoying the fact that he’s actually becoming a “little man.”

Besides. . . . did my freaking father just give me some heart-felt advice?  What?  Come again?  Were he and I having some sort of a break-through over cheeseburgers?  Are the planets out of alignment?  Am I on the verge of experiencing a whole new relationship with BOTH my son and my father?  What’s going on?

“Then again, Clay,” my father concluded, “I never liked you and your sister much when you were younger anyway, so I was really looking forward to when you two got older.”

Nope.  Back to normal.  The planets are aligned once again.    But I will take his advice and try to enjoy the new experiences Chase will have as he gets older.  Or maybe we’ll just have to have another kid to replace him.