Home Alone . . . At Last

And then there was just one.  After a two week Christmas break, my kids have gone back to school, and my wife, who took close to two full weeks off, has gone back to work.  The house is again empty.  Just me and the dog.  All is right with the world again.  Though I am always sad to see my favorite holiday come to an end, and though it certainly was nice to have my wife and kids enjoy an extended break, I will admit that the chaos that seems to come from having everyone home at the same time is a bit daunting.

Now that the dust has cleared, I have decided a few things:

#1 – I am better with an empty house than I am with a full house. 

Basically I am better as long as I have some sort of a routine going, and it’s tough to keep up any type of routine with kids running around.  Trying to keep up with the never-ending play dates and sleepovers and car pooling responsibilities, and who’s coming here, and who’s going where is just not my forte.  We must have hosted a couple dozen different kids at one time or another during the two week break.  We had NINE total sleepovers.  Five at our house and four at someone else’s house.  We had one airsoft war, and two Nerf wars.  We shot, blew up, or stabbed well over 200 people in Call of Duty, and we got into a very heated argument during a soccer game on XBOX Kinect.  It was exhausting, and there was no rhyme or reason as to how our daily schedule would go.  One minute the kids were here, and the next minute they were gone.  Or one minute they were here and the next minute three of their pals would show up.  Literally I couldn’t keep track of it.

Now on the flip-side, few people can run an empty house as well as I can.  And that’s not a joke.  I can get the boys up and dressed and fed and off to school like nobody’s business.  Lunches made, backpacks packed up, etc.  Fish are fed, dog is let out, wife is given her standard three wake up calls to get her moving, and on most days I’ll even get her car turned on so that it’s warmed up before she gets in it.  No problem.  Once the house is empty I get beds made, dishes done, laundry folded, dog walked, e-mails replied to, and so on.  I’m a machine when I’m left alone.  It’s one of the few benefits of being out of work – I run a pretty good house.  Of course I made the mistake of explaining this to my dad a few months ago after he inquired to how I was spending my days, and his response was “Jesus, you sound like a bitch, don’t tell me that story again.”   However, despite his opinions, I’m still happy and comfortable with my routine.

#2 – Christmas is not the time for creativity. 

Or more to the point, Christmas gifts are not the time for creativity.  People write Christmas lists for a reason.  Kids sit on Santa’s lap at the mall for a reason.  They want to spread the word about what exactly and specifically they want for Christmas.  Stockings are for creativity.  You want to get some cute, little gift that you THINK someone will like. . . get it and put it in their stocking.  But the big, wrapped presents under the tree. . . you should not be creative with them. 

You know what my older son wanted for Christmas . . . XBOX Live and an airsoft gun.  You know what we got him . . . XBOX Live and an airsoft gun.  You know what my younger son wanted for Christmas . . . a fish tank and Lionel Messi soccer jersey.  You know what we got him . . . a fish tank and a Lionel Messi soccer jersey.  Know what my wife wanted for Christmas . . . an iPad and an electric wine opener.  You know what I got her . . . an iPad and an electric wine opener.  You know what I wanted for Christmas. . . an iTouch and my wife dressed as Naughty Mrs. Claus.  You know what I got for Christmas. . . . Apple TV and a book.

Now my wife tells me that this Apple TV thing will be great, and will allow me to watch everything I’ve already downloaded to my iPod on my living room TV.  However, you know what I have downloaded on my iPod (in addition to music)?   Four entire seasons of Sponge Bob, an iCarly Christmas Special, a full-length Scooby Doo movie and three episodes of Star Wars Clone Wars.  You see the problem?

So, now that I have the house back to myself, I will continue to make sure it runs like it’s on wheels.  And, then I’m going to ask for an iTouch for my birthday (although I have to say that I like my wife’s iPad an awful lot – thankfully she leaves it at home most days – I think I maybe able to get porn on it).