Memberships

I keep preaching to my kids that they need to get involved with things.  Join teams.  Sign up for clubs.  Enroll in after school programs.  Whatever.  I don’t care as long as they become a member of something and don’t spend every minute of the day in front of the TV or video game.  I really think that that’s important.  In my opinion becoming a part of something is a significant part of life.

I was a member of the high school swim team, and though I spent four years in a green Speedo reeking of chlorine, I still had a great time, and gained many good friends, some of whom are still good friends today. 

I was also a member of the high school water polo team, and though I spent a whole lot of time in that same green Speedo wearing a silly looking cap on my head, once again I had a great time, learned some valuable lessons about teamwork and got to throw a number of underwater elbows at my opponents.

In college I was a member of both an intramural 12” softball team as well as an intramural floor hockey team.  Our softball team competed for the intramural championship my junior year.  As a member of these two teams I learned . . . . well, okay it’s intramural softball and floor hockey . . . come on . . . who am I kidding . . . I had a great time playing, met a number of good guys, and got to fight the “freshman 15” a little bit by running around . . . but other than that not a whole lot came out of those two things.  On a side note, you get a guy bragging about his floor hockey or 12” softball skills and you’ve got a douche bag.  Seriously, you’re better off bragging about your bowling game.  Really.

Anyway, my point is regardless of age I think being a member of something is an invaluable part of life and I’m trying to instill this in my kids.  However, the types of memberships change as you get older, and frankly the memberships available to kids are much better than the memberships available to adults.

For instance my younger son is a member of the local travel soccer program.  He gets professional coaching and training, he gets to wear cool uniforms, and he gets to travel around the area playing against other teams.    I’m a member of Costco.  I’ve actually paid someone to allow me to buy things at their store.  What a scam.  I get a membership card with a small black and white picture of me on the back.  I get to buy things at a discounted price in a massive warehouse like space.  And I get to compete against other discount shoppers for the last family-sized box of Pop Tarts.    

My older son is a member of the Spanish Club.  He gets to make tasty Spanish cuisine and he gets to go on field trips, not to mention the fact that he’s probably getting a head start on learning an important second language.  I’m a member of Netflix.  I get a handful of movies sent to me each month.  I watch them.  I send them back.  And they send me more movies to watch.  As a bonus they sent me a disc that allowed me to turn my Wii game system into a movie jukebox.  Hundreds of movies at my fingertips.  It disabled the Wii system.  No more Mario Kart.  No more Wii Sports Resort.  That was the end of the Netflix on the Wii.

Both of my kids are members of their house league baseball teams.  They get to play baseball with their pals, and they get the opportunity to try out for the travel teams.  I’m a member of the YMCA.  I get to pay $50 dollars a month to be reminded that I am grossly out of shape, not as well hung as the other guys in the showers, and incapable of figuring out how to operate the personal TV screens on the treadmills.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve run on those things while watching the Food Network instead of ESPN.  Not to mention the fact that it brings me extreme guilt when I see the membership fee hit the checking account every month and I’m reminded that once again I haven’t even been there in the last 4 weeks.

The only membership that I have that’s worth a damn is my porn site membership, and even that’s not without problems.  Last week I was having trouble gaining access to the site, and had to contact their “tech support people” who told me to reset my computer and erase all the histories and cookies, which I did.  No problem.  All seemed logical to me.  Of course that in turn erased all my wife’s book-marked sites and saved passwords and what not, so she’s now REALLY threatening to cancel that membership.

So, in the end I still believe being a member of something is an important part of life, and I’ll continue to encourage the boys to get involved, but as for me personally it has definitely become more of a love/hate relationship.  Maybe I just need to find some better things to join.  I’ll work on that.